plea
by Athena Asamiya
Summary: Guilty or not guilty..... (Sol character focus fic; contains yaoi implications [Sol x Ky]) Part 3 of the Amor Exitiabilis Est series.


  
  
  
**TITLE:** plea  
**AUTHOR:** Athena Asamiya <[empresskatzy@hotmail.com][1]>  
**SERIES:** Guilty Gear  
**TYPE:** Part 3/5 in the _Amor Exitiabilis Est_ series.  
**RATING:** PG-13  
**WARNING:** Harsh language, implied Solky yaoi. Suki~ ^^<3  
**SETTING:** Right after Sol stole the Fuenken and left the Seikishidan, but before for the first game.  
**THEME:** The entire finger eleven _Tip_ CD. Pick any song and it makes sense. ^_~  
**COMMENTS:** Fweeee, my very first GG fic ever! ^^;; Though I can't really explain how it ended up getting stuck right in the middle of _Amor Exitiabilis Est_...wrote this one mightily fast after being hit with inspiration from reading the Guilty Gear X Drafting Artworks book. This is a Sol POV/Solky focus fanfic, just because I like getting into kitsune-chan's head. ^_~ And somehow, this fanfic has even ended up with an award -- it took Honourable Mention for Character Study at Anime North 2001's Fanfiction Contest. ^^;; Eheh, yeah. Enjoy. ^_^ Next up: part 4, justify, the counterfic to this one -- from Ky-chan's point of view! ^^  


  


  
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    I'm getting really tired of trying to escape from myself. I've been in existence - not born - for nearly 150 years now, and life's fucked around with me way too much for me to want to hang around much longer. Day in, day out, I'm forced to live with my sins, live with myself and the knowledge of what I am. It's getting to be a pain in the ass. It wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't able to feel, to not care about anything that I've done, but that was my price for the shred of humanity that I possess. Emotions, both a blessing and a curse.     But it's the only thing that separates me from the rest of them. 

    _...other than that, there's no difference, none at all..._

    Sometimes, I can still hear the voices, calling me by that old name I'd given up when I said to hell with my heritage. Flame of Corruption. The prototype Gear, the first ungodly creation by some dark scientist in an underworld laboratory, for the pure purpose of chaos and carnage.     Me.     It's a really bizarre feeling, knowing that you were created. That you're not human, that you were made out of parts and DNA and injections. Then again, I suppose it's not that different from a normal human -- except that normal humans aren't put together in labs, piece by piece.     Gears are. 

    _Like you._

    Gears symbolized everything that was wrong with this world. Inhuman soldiers, killing machines, devils, robots, nightmares...I've heard them called everything by the humans. And all Gears are like that. Freakish combinations of human and animal DNA, fused by magical energy, none really humanoid, created for no purpose other than obeying the twisted wishes of their masters-     No emotions. No feelings. No free will.     Not human. Not even remotely human.     Demon. 

    _But you...you, Sol, a human name for an inhuman creature..._

    I was the only one. The only one who was close to being human, that is. The prototype was created to be an emulation of a real human, almost like a sick parody, before the bastards changed their minds and decided to make the rest of the Gears mechanical slaves instead. All Gears were controlled. None of them even looked human enough to pass for one. And the human race itself hated them.     Because of Justice.     Maybe Justice was just an excuse. It's true that human beings fear what they don't understand. Beings such as Gears are threatening to their safe little reality, their idea of what is true and what can exist. I don't think humans ever really accepted Gears into their society in the first place, save for the power-hungry assholes that needed advantages in the underworld wars. Gears, the biological weapons of the future -- stronger, faster, and more disposable than human soldiers.     But there was a flaw. Justice.     Justice, Gear-01 and the only other Gear with free will and self- awareness, was the first of us to realize the truth of our existence. Gears were the tools of humans. We were used to create havoc and war. In a way, the human race was as corrupt as the Gear race, and that was part of Justice's reasoning for starting the war. He believed that as long as mankind was allowed to rule, Gears would always be their pawns, never having freedom of their own. He believed he was doing the right thing by leading the Gears against mankind. And while the humans saw him as evil and mistaken, ironically, Justice was fighting for what he believed to be true justice. His truth, and the truth of Gears. 

    _...was he wrong, or was he right all along....?_

    Like I said before, I think Justice was just an excuse for the human race to turn against the Gears. Or maybe it was the other way around. The Crusades showed that humans and Gears can't co-exist, which is true. I really wonder why no one figured that out sooner. It had to take a whole goddamn war to prove it. Death on both sides and destruction all over the world. What a stupid waste.     It was over now. And it was all for nothing.     Disregarding my brief knighthood, I hadn't played a big part in the Crusades. It just wasn't my concern, or at least I told myself that. After all, I was neither human nor a true Gear, so I felt no real obligation to either side. Nor did I feel any pity or remorse for all the lives taken, both human and Gear.     Justice hadn't been able to control me like he had the rest of the Gears. Yet another way for life to show me that I don't have a place in this world. 

    _...but you're more Gear than human. Just an artificial shell with emotions and will. Deep down, you're like the rest of them, aren't you? You're all just the same, the same stupid fucking machines, mindless puppets of humans, the same the same the same--_

    No. No, I'm not one of them. I'm not. 

    _Keep telling yourself that. Maybe someday you'll believe it, fool._

    I want to believe it. Hell, I want to believe it more than anything else in this world. But I've felt damned for just about forever now. Cursed for being the only one of my kind, the only being on this Earth that didn't have a place to belong. 

    _More complications..._

    And then there was the boy.     I couldn't even begin to guess what he would think if he found out what I was. Actually, I could. Monster, he'd think, blasphemy, demon, obscenity. And if he knew...if he knew what I truly was...no. He wouldn't even consider it; it wouldn't be possible in his mind.     He was such a blind fool. And it was because he loved me.     It was so stupidly ironic, I almost had to laugh. He didn't have any idea, but if he did, I'm sure he would be disgusted at the thought that he loved one of the very evil abominations that he hated. But he was so ignorant of the truth. The boy loved me. And I- 

    _you love him_

    Love was a human emotion. Something I was never meant to have, something I never saw a need for. Although I act like one, look like one, I wasn't created to be an exact replica of a human. I was just supposed to be a machine, a soulless, emotionless robot without such useless things as feelings- 

    _...how many times does life have to remind you that you're not human...?_

    I didn't care for emotion until I met the boy. Up until that point, the over-100 years I had already lived were just a monotonous blur, an endless cycle of worthless time and even more worthless acts. If it hadn't been for my ambition to destroy all the Gears, I doubt I would have even had a reason to live. I would have destroyed myself a long time ago, and been done with it. The only thing that kept me going, throughout the long, empty centuries, was my goal to free this world of the plague that was the Gear race. 

    _and you-_

    After I had finished my task, I would be able to die without regret. I'd be able to die by my own hand, knowing that there were no more Gears left in this world -- including me. I didn't give a damn about my life. It wasn't like I really had anything else to live for.     But when I met the boy...     On the day when I was inducted into the Seikishidan, I had no idea what the hell I was doing. I had been making a pretty good living out of being a bounty hunter as well as a Gear hunter, and it wasn't like I gave a damn about those self-righteous idiots and their heroic crusades. Still, when that old man tracked me down and asked that I join their group, I figured hey, what the hell. Something to pass the time.     Then I was introduced to the new leader of the Seikishidan. A French kid named Ky Kiske, all chivalry and purity and innocence. He held out his hand and smiled at me.     Something changed. 

    _...what?_

    Of course, I didn't show it. I just smirked and walked past him, hoping to God that nothing was showing on my face but contempt. And it worked, all too well. Every opportunity I had, I defied the boy and his leadership, acting disobedient, disrespectful, and just a general asshole. It was my nature, but most of it was exaggerated because I didn't want him to see what I really felt. I loved pissing the boy off. And even though he was often frustrated and annoyed by me, I could tell that he felt something. Something he didn't want to admit to anyone, not even himself. 

    _-felt something for you-_

    I don't know what first attracted me to the boy. I think that it was probably his sinlessness, his incorruption. The boy had faith, virtue, integrity. He was everything I wasn't, and that amused me. The boy's hands were still clean. Mine were forever stained. 

    _Did you want to be the one to take his innocence...?_

    I can admit to that. Yes. I think it bothered me, seeing him so chaste and pure. I couldn't stand it, especially when I compared him to me. It was ridiculous, someone being that innocent when everything in this world was so fucked-up. I wanted to show him that things weren't as hopeful as they seemed. I wanted to show him that he was wrong.     For the first time, I wanted to show someone my existence.     I wanted to feel something other than the apathy and the emptiness.     I wanted someone. 

    _...And that was when you realized the meaning of emotions._

    The emotion love, I could understand a bit -- if you could really call it love. But lust and obsession were complete surprises to me. It was what I felt. I still annoyed the boy, like I always had, but underneath, I carried the realization: that I wanted the boy, and I wanted him for myself.     I waited. And I found my opportunity.     I don't want to say that I seduced the boy. It probably looked like that, though, like he was totally unwilling to my actions. But that wasn't true. I could tell that he wanted it as much as I did, even through the constant denial, as I took him for my own that night.     I enjoyed it.     The boy gave me what I needed. A sense of identity, something that I'll never forget. It was then, at that very moment, for once in my entire, hellish existence...I knew what I was, and where I belonged.     But it was too much. 

    _...You realized what you were. You realized that you didn't deserve it. You didn't deserve him._

    I could still see his face, his angelic face, framed by the moonlight as he slept. He was beautiful, that boy. Whether or not he loved me or hated me when he woke up, I had already decided that I wouldn't be around to see it. I couldn't take this, the truths the boy was awakening within me. 

    _-just too much-_

    So, pushing all feelings of regret and shame aside, I had left him there. I had turned and left, stealing the Seikishidan's precious sword, the Fuenken, to take as my own. A souvenir, I suppose, to remind me of the short knighthood that had brought me awareness. That night, I escaped from the Seikishidan, the boy, and the emotions that frightened me more than anything ever had.     I walked away from the only proof that I was human as well as Gear.     No use dwelling on it now, though. That part of my life was finished, and I was free again. 

    _...aren't you lonely now...?_

    I don't feel "loneliness". It's just a word to me, nothing more. 

    _...but you're lonely._

    I really wonder sometimes. 

    _Do you like being alone?_

    Not always. 

    _You want the loneliness to go away. You don't want to be alone anymore. You want him._

    No shit. But it could never happen. 

    _Why not?_

    Because- 

    _He has a soul. You don't._

    The angel and the devil. What a joke. I feel like laughing again.     Instead, it just hurts. 

  


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Guilty Gear fanfiction "plea" © Athena Asamiya, 2001. 

Use in whole or in part of this fanfiction without permission is prohibited. If you wish to use this fanfiction for any purpose, please obtain permission prior to doing so. 

<[empresskatzy@hotmail.com][1]> 

Guilty Gear, Sol Badguy and Ky Kiske, copyright 1998 Sammy Co., Arc System Works Co., Team Neo Blood, and Atlus. 

  
  
replace the name replace the fear  
and i can't come out but i want you here 

~ [heaven . coming . down][2] ~ 

   [1]: mailto:empresskatzy@hotmail.com
   [2]: http://heaven.morethanart.org



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